Don’t fall in love with a curious one. They will want to know who you are, where you come from, what your family was like. They will look through your photographs and read all of your poems. They will come over for dinner and speak to your mother about how their curiosity has taught them things of use to her. They will ask you to rant when you’re angry and cry when you’re hurt. They will ask what that raised eyebrow meant. They will want to know your favorite food, your favorite color, you favorite person. They will ask why. They will buy that camera you liked, pay attention to that band you love in case there’s a show near by, they will get you the sweater you smiled at once. They’ll learn to cook your favorite meals. The curious people don’t settle for your shell, they want the insides. They want what makes you heavy, what makes you uneasy, what makes you scream for joy, and anger, and heartbreak. Their skin will turn into pages that you learn to pour out your entire being in. Don’t fall in love with the curious one. They won’t let a sigh go unexplained. They will want to know what they did Exactly what they did to make you love them. Year, month, week, day. “What time was it? What did I say? What did I do? How did you feel?” Don’t fall in love with a curious one because I’ve been there. They will unbutton your shirt and read every scar every mark every curve. They will dissect your every limb, every organ, every thought, every being then walk back home and eat their dinner and never return your calls. You will never be their lifelong expedition. The heart is a mystery only for so long. There is no ache like loving a curious one who chases every falling star and never catching one. Who comes and sees and conquers and leaves. I’ve fallen in love with a curious one. Maybe one day he will take the train back home and be curious enough to read one last message from me carved on a seat. “There’s a curiosity in you that will move mountains some day as effortlessly as you’ve moved me for years.”
You’re losing yourself.
Nobody has really cared
You feel so alone.
Have you ever been in the labyrinth of your thoughts? As easy as the entrance looks, the harder it is to explore inside. You will find comfort in every alley as you go straight ahead but every corner is a bewilderment. All it takes is one confusion and you’ll be spending hours wandering. Lost. It’s what happens when you over think. You have too much in your head you can’t even understand any of them. You don’t know which one to decipher first. It’s like you were given puzzle pieces but each from a different picture, you know where to start but the rest is much of a blur.
You knew this would happen. That when the time comes, everything will just slowly fade away. She has become a wall, you knew but you didn’t do anything. Because, really, you cannot do anything. Now you don’t talk to each other anymore, unlike before. He’s being held back, you’re being held back, both because of different reasons and you don’t know what. You just feel like it - that things have to be different now and they won’t be the same, ever again. Crazy thing is you’re not sad, not happy either. You just don’t know.
“We gave each other the same nickname, so there would be no separation between us.”
So what do we call each other?
Babe? Baby? Love? Hon?
That’s the first thing that’s asked when a couple starts their relationship. Even best friends do it. Because yeah, it really does feel like there’s nothing in between the two of you. It’s more comfortable than having to call each other by your first names. It just is, just like love is.
“I had actively participated in every moment of the creation of this life - so why did I feel like none of it resembled me?”
Change. It’s inevitable. Now you want this. Sooner or later you won’t. A never ending battle between the heart and the brain - just two internal organs that like messing with the lives of human. Usually when your heart and mind have different views toward one thing, it just happens. The one influences the other. A change of mind or a change of heart. It really is a pain in the ass to get them to agree with each other, but when you do, ahhh heaven.
A friend once told him, “Stop it now when it’s only beginning because you already know how it’ll end. You’ll just get hurt.” and he considered listening. But then he didn’t do what his friend told him, instead he pursued what he wanted and continued on hoping that someday they could happen. He may know that it’s only the start and may know how it’ll end but he didn’t stop because in between, he also know how happy he will be.
“When I let myself care, all I feel is pain.”
It is a given, to be hurt everytime you care. It couldn’t be helped because caring is a weakness. But you know what, it could also be your source of strength. The people you care of and the things you value most, they could serve as your catalyst. If you would only see it like that. If you would only allow it to be like that.
But you don’t.
Someone who push people away. Someone who ignore people. Someone who has built high walls in his heart. Someone who doesn’t feel love in his heart. Someone who doesn’t believe in love because once he believed he would be serious. He would be the one who would be so protective of you, because he doesn’t like to feel the loneliness he felt before when he was alone. He would do anything for you not to leave because he now knows how to distinguish happiness alone and happiness with someone he is madly in love with.
“I want you out of my life.”
Seriously, now you’re taking his way of writing? What has become of you? Every day you’re becoming worse. Now he’s decided to press the button and cut every strings between you and him for he doesn’t want to get hurt anymore. Now, why is he hurt? Because every bit of love of him for you that remained is slowly turning into hate, and that’s what pains him. He does not want to hate you.
I admire people who engage in long distance relationships. Why? Because they are brave. They are not afraid to give away their loyalty and trust to someone whom they are miles away from. Though they just depend on the internet or on the power of phones, they never fail to make their partner feel loved through their sweet and comforting messages. I mean, the e-mails and texts messages.
And just like any other ordinary relationships, long distance lovers also get themselves on a battlefield. Do you know what causes their cute little fights? It’s the network’s delayed messaging. When one takes time to reply, it makes the other wonder and get paranoid. “What if he’s talking to somebody else? What if he’s doing something with another girl? What if? What?”. Well, it’s not wrong to feel that way, I should say. They are in love, and I guess, it’s just normal to assume to get, if not all, at least a huge part of their lover’s focus and attention. But of course, long distance lovers have to invest a huge amount of trust. LDRs are not gonna work out if there’s no trust.
LDRs, just like SDRs (short distance relationships, as they call it), also get tested. It’s when both of them notice that the love slowly fades. It’s sad, but only the two of them can settle it. And in order to make everything right, the two gotta have a good talk. No nagging and blaming.